What would an evil immoral atheist like me do?

I’d like you to be the judge.
This is gonna be quite long but Karma doesnt allow shortcuts. Probably the longest true story I’ll ever write.

Street preacher photo credit: alarmy.com

So, few days ago on a Sunday evening..I woke up (you read that right) to go for a meeting. With a terrible hangover I was an hour late, I was supposed to break some bad news during the meeting. I just put on an Ironed shirt and headed out hair uncombed, shoes without socks, and tabliq pants with a pale look on my face looking like a dehydrated pregnant kangaroo.frustrated that I misplaced my wallet and too a bike to giporoso. That’s not the problem.

When I reached Giporoso, I met a gentleman. He was twice my size and about my father’s age. “Judging” from his height, shape of teeth he is probably of a murenge descent (munyamurenge).
When I got of the bike, he quickly hurtled to me. He opened his mouth to speak to, I confirmed the null hypothesis. He was a munyamurenge afterall.

He looked at me, one glance and decided I needed redemption. He said “Son, I’d like to tell about a man who died for you to live today. His name is Jesus.”
I told him calmly, “let me first pay for this bike whose engine is actually dying so I my skinny ass can travel.”
I’ll never forget the look he gave me. He looked me like I had cut off a mothercow’s udder, the greatest abomination to anyone who has ever had a cow.
He looked offended, he had all rights. He wanted to preach to me right away. I told him, “look man, I have an actual meeting that I’m late for and I’ve been arguing with people like you on the internet for the whole day. So, I gotta go.” That was me trying to be polite.
I’m usually a mean maphaker, if you left me with a kid for two days she’d recite the cuss dictionary on you everytime you tell her to shower or take a nap. (FYI, I’m not proud of that)
To the top of his voice he shouted at me, “It’s because of people like you that this world is messed up.” I just walked away, he kept on yelling at me. You’ll burn in hell, forever. You probably distribute marijuana for a living but you’re claiming a meeting, with who?? Satan?
Everyone was staring at me like I was carrying a kid’s decapitated head in a bag. Never been more embarrassed.
For fuck’s sake he called an idiot (igicucu) for curving his street argument.
I went on a head with shame, chaired the meeting, broke the bad news and paid everyone’s bill with the mobile money tap&pay sticker on the back of my phone to compensate for the 70 minute wait.
You’re just having a bad day, I told myself. Till I forgot.

So, two weeks later it’s Saturday. I am craving porkchops (akabenzi). I decide to call my “gang”, bill on me. That was yesterday. I was in a good mood.
I put on my noise canceling headphones and onto the street. I must have played the entire Chronic album in slow mile walk. Meanwhile someone tapped my shoulder. You can’t ignore that.

I turned to see, who has the audacity to stop me while I’m listening to Dr Dre’s best album walking like Okonkwo (with springs in my legs) . Who dares to fuck with my Ice Cube attitude? I wouldn’t believe my eyes when I turned. Alas! The crazyass road preacher.

He had an exhausted look with pale lips like like he had eaten powder donuts, he looked gentle and calm against my Fuck the World demeanor. He calmly spoke to me, “Son……:.”
“Stop right there, If you gonna try to preach to me…we gonna have trouble” I told him.
“Listen son, I haven’t had a job in 4 years. I have a family, wife and kids. I’m starving too. Can you help me out muhungu wanjye mwiza (my handsome son) ? God will reward you”

What would you do, if you were me?🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️
I thought so. But…,Hold that thought, this is a dude who condemned me to burn in hell on a bad day because I refused to listen to him.
I pulled out my wallet, I had a few bucks on me. I thought for a second. Should I give him money or not 🤔🤔

I told him I was gonna give him money but it had conditions attached. He said, “Okay son”
I had several notes in my wallet, you know…, Friday was payday. But I had two important notes with me. One genuine 2,000 RwF bill and a counterfeit 2,000 Rwf that I just keep around for unpredictable situations.

I handed him the fake bill and told him. I know you’re starving and you have a family but life is hard everywhere. So, I’ll just give you the two thousand. I hope you can eat something. He thanked me and walked away.
As he was walking , I asked him, “you haven’t asked me about the conditions of the money.” He asked me to tell him. “Look at me closely, I look broke and homeless, right? Those are instructions from the evil overload, Satan. Now, that’s his money. The moment you accept it, you automatically accept Lord Beelzebub, Lucifer, aka Satan as your Lord and saviour. It literally means you’re rejecting Jesus because of hunger and poverty”
I had one thing in mind, if he decided to take the money and accept Lord Satan I’d let him take the fake. If he rejected the money, I’d give him the authentic note, probably bought him something to eat.
He turned around and facepalmed, and looked at me like a doctor delivering bad news. He sighed couple of times, then made up his mind. “I’ll take it,” he said.
“Are you sure? There is no turning back from this,” I told him. He never changed his mind.

Weak christian, right? Remember the stupid things did because you were in love with some retarded boy or a depressed confused teenage girl? He was genuinely hungry.
I thought to myself, should I give him the genuine note for his hunger, or let him take the fake one for being a fake christian who insults people on the road?

Karma is a bitch, right? I guessed so.

Be the judge. What would you do? What would an evil immoral atheist like me do?



Andrew Mugabe

Andrew Mugabe

Not much to say about myself....just not much.